Best's the enemy of Good

Shall list some happier things here in a desperate attempt to feel better.

Hmm. So. I've been diagnosed ( okay too strong a word) but yeah. Told to go for *further backbone screening at SGH since my backbone's curved at > 5 degree..

Being the worry-sensitive person I've always been. My train of thoughts immediately flew to roller coasters.

Will I even be able to enjoy them in the near future? :/

How is the above mentioned chunk of content even happy-related.

Anyways. Gonna try out Reverse Bungee jumping ( exorbitant price :O ), those crazy roller coasters some day.

& at least. Learn to dance well.

Thank you Jingwen for the song intro.

Learning to hold my head and chin up'

看开一点.

Googled on some terms which I supposed I was plagued by and it turned out...

Too demoralising.

Yeah I know it's just prelims.

Yeah I know too many mind issues distracted me.

Yeah I know I am probably still trying to convince myself ( living in self denial) that I can.

IT'S ALL IN THE MIND.

Oh and to add on.

Must you keep appearing in my life , creating a ruckus and all that nonsense without fail whenever my majors are approaching.

Forever and always.

I will be a stronger person who will be in control of my emotions.

God, please see me through this.

Unavoidable yet Invisible Barrier

Idk why you all are so insensitive or perhaps it's me who triggered all your actions nowadays.

Logging back onto twitter is not only time consuming, but demoralizing as well.

Well. Shall not harp on the same string anymore. Happy venturing into your new buddeh system.

Oh PS you didn't even ask me out.
Not capable enough to fit into that League?

Don't even actually mind the fact that I can go home myself anymore.

You all have constructed this invisible barrier and you don't even realise that. Because why? You don't even truly care about my existence.

SN S4 Reflection day

No cohort photo was taken ( wrong assumptions)

Spent meaningful time today listening to testimonies since I left HOG and felt impacted by these sentences

IJ Lady : " Escapism from reality via immersing myself in hectic work"
" You have to learn to have courage to face your own issues"

Married couple : " Remember, no parent will ever not love what they created"

Sigh so this morning. Once again, Le sentimental me experienced those negative emotions again.

Hurt, betrayal of trust.

Truly feel like I've drifted from God ( stating the obvious)

As Principal Mrs Tan has shared so accurately " No one can insult you unless you allow them to"

It's about perspective.

To add on, I hugged Mrs Fung, Mrs Ong, Mrs Tan Wai Lan , Mdm Suah, Wang Lao Shi and Mrs Brenda Tan..

Tears actually welled up in my eyes.
Oh why am I so emotional.

I'm truly appreciative and thankful for all my teachers who have nurtured me to allow me to become who I am today.

Above mentioned paragraph is why I mean from the bottom of my heart.

Shall end off abruptly yet again. Thanks for reading ;)

Anchor Denim backpack

It can be infered that I have an obsession with anchor-designed products

I want this bag so badly but this item is OOS and although I sent in an email for an appeal to restock I wasn't replied to.

Le sigh. Some things are not meant to be!

Never mind!! I have my tribal backpack which I already love too :D

" One has never turned blind by looking at the bright side of things" hahaha

Prelims are officially over and S4 Reflection Day is tomorrow. Can't believe I'm graduating in the blink of an eye.

Time flies.

Cohort photo taking tomorrow too woohoo :)

Salted caramel

So there's this salted caramel trend now. From cupcakes to macarons to Starbucks drink.

I wanna try so badly anyone?

Retail therapy

Could actually do with more bucket bags + a nice pink & blue zigzag tribal clutch + graphite turquoise pink flats ( to replace my worn out beloved everlast flats ) / Vans / Toms

Finally. Vintage denim moustache shorts. To add on, nice anchor bracelets :)

* all photo visuals are not mine ( pure screenshots of blogshops / livejournals / fb page )

Suddenly have this sinking feeling about my preparation for the major battle.

Don't actually feel stressed ( Perhaps I'm not conscious yet) but yeah I was advised not to keep rattling on my fear of weaker subjects, which inevitably led to me sounding like the pre mentioned emotion.

Well. Ultimately. I don't really know what to say anymore.

Not that I don't want to step out of my comfort zone, but afraid that the more emotions I invest, the more hurt I'll be when there's departures.

Over thinking/ being paranoid?

I'm still in control of these emotions.

For now, that is.

Visuals below

Too afraid of crossing the boundary between a fragile friendship we're already treading on.

Too afraid of confiding and burdening the wrong trusted person again

Too afraid of how emotions are overwhelming.

Last resort

To even open up on a social platform
Displays and highlights lack in an area.

Plagued with Emptiness floods
Burnt.
None steps in.
Left.

Only way.
Get over.
March on.

& sometimes I wonder. What is it about the character that inadvertently led to so many condemnations.

Emotionally worn.

Obscured vision

Reflect.

Why didn't they invite?

Trying too hard gets one no where

Doesn't matter. I can win this fight.

Do you even realize? Or are you feigning ignorance.

Traceless

Just read H's blog ( a v enjoyable read as always) and could totally relate to how she feels.

/sidetrack/ You're insecure, don't know what for.
Honestly, you're loved by many people, I can assure you of that.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are ( a hardworking student + potential photographer + pretty girl )

Hohoho I sound like some ultimate stalker.

Not mentioning her name for I think she would rather prefer her post to be "low profile"

What is it that actually traps anyone into this sinking feeling of insecurity even though we try our utmost to avoid it?

Yeah psychologically , it's all in the mind.

But it will always be easier said than done.

Not copied;

" Perhaps I have this born tendency to repel anyone I get close to away. "

Actually texted J this on wed afternoon

S2 memories. Kopi advised me against moping and wallowing around in self pity ^all the time (in our phone conversation) 'cos that makes one extremely irritating.

/abrupt sidetrack/
I hate how when I texted you how I disliked myself for not moving on your simultaneous text of " hey I'm leaving alr you want anything?" came.

Socially awkwardness overwhelming.

Productivity has to go up I promise.

On a vvv much lighter note,

Thank you Admins for finally uploading the photo of Xu Bin & Kimberly Chia & fans ;)

Individual shot ( don't judge, she's learning how to love herself more)

Sensitivity

Le sigh.

Shouldn't have logged into Instagram to see all those pictures.
Whatever. You people don't even care anyways.

Yeah no one appreciates a complainer.

Character

Perhaps I truly am like what you described me to be.

感激遇到你

Instead of dwelling on those people whom I previously mention " did not mind ", focus shall now be centered on those that that care.

It's not as if I didn't try my best. Haha. I remember how I was always the one who initiates but I always get declined ( most of the time).

Oh well. I saw a quote somewhere which stated " Girls, don't change for your boyfriend. Ultimately, you'll turn into a person whom you don't even like"

Similarly, in this context, I admit. Yes, I've tried way too hard, countless times in fact, to blend in ( oh come on aren't you guilty of that ) last time.

Perhaps, my past impatient personality w over bombardment turned you off too.

Yesterday, Jalene approached me and asked if I wanted to photocopy and bind Chemistry compiled papers 2010 from other schools.

I believe that the last time me ( will have acted on my Aunty + Kiasu instincts ) and eagerly agree to it.

However, the current more rational me realise that it will bring on additional stress ( should I not be able to complete it)

True testimonial above haha.

Coming back to Le issue;

Sorry but honestly, I'm tired of being the first and only one, to step out of my comfort zone to resolve such issues amicably.

Oh btw, did I mention that this could be a one sided account? Maybe you could offer me another version.

If you even bother to.

Time to execute Le noble words into concrete actions

只要把每件简单事做好,你就不简单.

PS; I didn't take your line. After all, it was dedicated to me, wasn't it? :)

Jalene

Too much emotions overwhelming me tonight no joke.

Dont stop believin' on Channel 8 is really a tear jerker

/in addition/

"if you don't bother to be in someone's life, they won't stay forever "
- when I saw the photo, my heart sank.

Those who dont mind don't matter, yes, literally.

Mind games.

White cherries

;) everybody has since converted to orange users

Being downright atrocious

PS; one new blog post below this which didn't get published yesterday, unfortunately :(

PS x2: heh now it's above :(

Xubin 💙

This is so unlike me I promise!!

Did productive studying w Jing at National library today woohoo ;)

Then went to Farrer Park ( actually sent there 2 years ago to collect my hamper)

Haha finally we went Pizza Hut ( where the fan meet was )

It was crazy yet absolutely fun I tell you!!

Sigh but Xu Bin initially walked away when I wanted to take individual shot cos he presumed I wanted to take with Kimberly Chia alone :(

Hahaha yessss but thankfully!!! See my visual below woohooo!

Ending off abruptly goodnight ;)

Xu Bin

Hi Xu Bin you're really good looking and all I promise I did not even have any obsession on any K-pop groups before.

The pretty aeroplanes shot was taken by me I'm so sorry it's blurred :/

/edited/
Removed a sentence.

Crazzzeh

Random people honestly need to stop popping out at random periods of time during this crucial crux and final preparation for the O's marathon I'm running for in a month's time.

Pardon the above long incoherent train of thought.

Between the lines of fear and blame

Maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives,

Maybe we don't have to think its right,

Yet maybe we will.

Everyone knows you're my one regret

Counting

I was the one who tried desperately to recall every single day which passed by since the day you stopped talking to me, entirely.

I tried looking at my Sony Erricson phone yeah. At all those happy, yes simple word which probably encompassed all our memories , moments spent together.

Crazy me refuses to get over it.

WHY OH WHY you're living your best life anticipating your majors' and don't even give a concern.

Oh & guess what. Someone else who promised never to leave broke lè promise.

:) 人生就像一个镜子。

September

Here's to so many months of constant internal struggling with yourself over the most insignificant issues, tears shed over the most ridiculous person.

Here's to your best future yet.